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Sensitive Soul

Take my hand, don’t be afraid. My passion is a flame, inside my mind it’s insane. My craziness runs deep so every time I vent it, I feel it. I feel my feelings to the bottom of my essence, sometimes painfully. Being a hypersensitive person is a blessing and a curse at the same time. The blessing comes from our creative mind and empathic emotions. The curse comes from our senses and fears.

The writer Pearl S. Buck wrote an inspirational quote about inhuman sensitivity. In her telling – To him…a touch is a blow, a sound is a noise, a misfortune is a tragedy, a joy is an ecstasy, a friend is a lover, a lover is a god, and failure is death. She is writing for the people who feel their feelings more intensely than others do, to the people that are born abnormally. She says that – Without the creation of music or poetry or books or buildings or something of meaning, his every breath is cut off from him. He must create, must pour out creation by some strange, unknown, inward urgency, and he is not really alive unless he is creating. She also quoted that – The truly creative mind in any field is no more than this, a human creature born abnormally, inhumanly sensitive. When I read this for the first time I felt understood in my own self, a feeling that I have never felt before. I always thought my whole lifetime that there was something wrong with me. Our emotional sensitivity is what makes us create and that is the only way for us to feel alive. As for me, the only time I feel alive is when I pour my heart out on this paper and only then I am human. My paper and pen is the only way out of my emotions in the dark. Our abnormal intense aggressivity, joy, pain, affection, defensiveness, madness, love, desires, fears, intimacy, loyalty, honesty and sorrow are what makes us passionate. When we feel love we feel euphoric or when we feel hate we feel misery. There is nothing in between. Either we give you our all or we will give you nothing, formed by the intensity in our mind. For the people who don’t understand our extreme feelings, we get misread or mistreated, we become misunderstood and disbelieved. People with this sensitive soul tend to be highly observant, intuitive, thoughtful, compassionate, empathic, conscientious, loyal and creative. When we get too overwhelmed with our feelings, that’s when our heart and mind get into a war. That is when I wish for my mind to be silent and for my heart to… speak.

When someone touches the sensitivity in me in a hateful way I will shoot you with my words, intense and spiteful words that I don’t have any control over. I will shoot you impulsively with words of meaning because you disturbed the balance within me. Only then can I not keep my composure because if I feel something I will speak… and If I see or feel something beautiful I will speak it or show it through the language of my body. With a sensitive soul, you can’t hide your feelings because if you ever shape a wall inside of you, the feelings will sooner or later break through.

To be born with a sensitive soul makes me sometimes feel psychic. The presence of social surroundings makes our mind awake which makes us quickly sense what your intentions are towards us. As for me, I can feel your energy through the air. I can sense if you are hateful or a genuine person from only looking in your eyes and listening to the tone of your voice. I need to know what your desires are or maybe if your aim is to hurt me. If you would ask me what I’m thinking about, I am busy reading you like a book and that’s why I’m silent. Chaotic situations, social nuances and energies make me overwhelmed, which sometimes makes me feel crazy because it’s the sensitivity in me that has been touched. And when I vent my craziness, I become misunderstood. Therefore, I don’t tolerate hateful people or people who silence me from my truth. When I socialize myself with people, I often feel like I don’t belong anywhere. I try to force myself to fit in with people but they will never know what’s going on inside my mind. It sometimes feels like I desire them to be real or genuine. They talk loud about nuances. About people, material things, fame, sexually discussions, power, money, about things that are weightless that don’t have no meaning. Then eventually, I start to feel like a mouse in a room full of anacondas. I was born into this generation but I refuse to be following the crowd because they are lost and misleading, their minds are sleeping. People don’t show appreciation or interest anymore for things that have a meaning. For my eyes, everything that has a meaning is beauty.
I ask myself what’s a pretty girl without a mind, or what’s a handsome man without morals? In my eyes, im blind to care about your appearance because under your surface lies hundreds of pages.
Once you are real you can’t be ugly, except to the people who don’t understand – Margery Williams Bianco. I sense that our souls do not collide. We just have differences, different visions of how we see the world and how I and you perceive it.

To me, my world is deep.

– Poetess